蕭伯納：沒有什麼感情會比人對食物的愛更真實

文／蕭伯納；譯／謝孟璇

I can forgive Alfred Nobel for having invented dynamite, but only a fiend in human form could have invented the Nobel Prize.
我能諒解諾貝爾發明了炸藥，可是唯有披著人皮的惡魔能發明出諾貝爾獎。
──九二五年諾貝爾文學獎領獎詞

There is no love sincerer than the love of food.
沒有什麼感情會比人對食物的愛更真實。
──人與超人 Man and Superman

The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.
精準的觀察力常會被反應慢半拍的人指為冷嘲熱諷。
──巴塞托所聆聽一八九○至九四年的倫敦音樂 The World (18 July 1894), Music in London 1890-1894

What a man believes may be ascertained, not from his creed, but from the assumptions on which he habitually acts.
一個人信以為真的事，也許並非來自他的個人信念，而是來自他習以為常的假設。
──給革命者的箴言 Maxims for Revolutionists

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.
自由意味著責任。這就是多數人懼怕自由的原因。
──人與超人 Man and Superman

When will we realize that the fact that we can become accustomed to anything, however disgusting at first, makes it necessary to examine carefully everything we have become accustomed to.
不論任何事一開始多令人作嘔，人終究會對它習以為常。意識到這事實之後，我們才會仔細檢視周遭司空見慣的事。
──《父母與子女專題研究》（A Treatise on Parents and Children）

The vilest abortionist is he who attempts to mould a child’s character.
最卑劣的墮胎者，即是試圖刻鑿孩子性格的人。
──《給革命者的箴言》（Maxims for the Revolutionists）

He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.
他很無知，卻自視無所不知。政客就是這副德性。
──《巴巴拉上校》（Major Barbara）

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.
每當蠢男人做出顏面盡失的事，總會宣稱自己是義不容辭。
──凱撒與克麗奧佩特拉 Caesar and Cleopatra

Science becomes dangerous only when it imagines that it has reached its goal.
科學一旦自視解決了所有問題，就會開始變得危險。
──《醫生的兩難》（The Doctor’s Dilemma）

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
講理的人適應世界；不講理的人反過來要世界適應他。也因此，所有進步都來自不可理喻的人。
──給革命者的箴言 Maxims for Revolutionists

When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
所謂婚姻，就是要兩個正處於最濃烈、瘋狂、虛妄、又朝生夕死之熱戀的愛侶，彼此發誓要維持這種激動、異常、令人疲憊的狀態，而且至死不渝。
──《婚姻》（Getting Married）

The secret of forgiving everything is to understand nothing.
寬恕一切的祕訣，在於一無所知。
──《婚姻》（Getting Married）

Nothing is more dreadful than a husband who keeps telling you everything he thinks, and always wants to know what you think.
世上最可怕的事，莫過於妳的丈夫鎮日把他的想法一五一十告訴你，而且還想知道妳怎麼想。
──《婚姻》（Getting Married）

Those who talk most about the blessings of marriage and the constancy of its vows are the very people who declare that if the chain were broken and the prisoners left free to choose, the whole social fabric would fly asunder. You cannot have the argument both ways. If the prisoner is happy, why lock him in? If he is not, why pretend that he is?
讚美婚姻並對堅貞婚約侃侃而談的人，也宣稱婚姻的鎖鏈不得斬斷，以免已婚人士重獲自由，使整個社會落得四分五裂。問題是這說不通。 如果已婚者很快樂，何必套牢他？若他不快樂，又何必假裝開心？
──人與超人 Man and Superman

My way of joking is telling the truth. It’s the funniest joke in the world.
我開玩笑的方式就是吐露真相。真相乃世界上最荒誕的笑話。
──《英國佬的另一個島》（John Bull’s Other Island）

※ 本文摘自《真相，是世上最荒誕的笑話：蕭伯納精言集》，立即前往試讀